Apology

I shied from you today

Denied you my speech

Mainly because I had no words to accompany it

Partly because I was bereft of incentive

I closed a chapter of ours last night

And since then
Our company is ill with silence

While our minds conjure worlds of thought

That will never be shared

And so it is that we fall deeper

Into the space of sorrow

And become unequivocal strangers

With each passing minute

Our friendship unfed of trust

Or remedy to redeem it

I want us drunk on wine
Sharing a cigarette 

Watching movies

Talking of that and this

Laughing with intoxicated hopes

And silently consoling each other’s loneliness

With the assurance of mutual empathy

 I want your head resting on my right shoulder

After running away from the crowd

And recklessly driving into the night

The wind tangled in our hair

And having you promise me

Like you did on Christmas Eve

“This will be forever”

But because I (without intention)

Have altered our alliance irrevocably

I have only to regret and understand

That a second marks much more than time

And holds more strength

Than transience

Without knowing
I permanently marred us

And if we ever were to recover

Our bond won’t be unscathed

But rather strangled from time to time

With wounded memories

That will gash us deepest

During bouts of silence

I woke up late
And heavy with stagnation  
Yes, I knew that it was twelve
But I didn't want to face you

My eyes were swollen
And sprouted residual tears

            Your voice was low

Today I tried to mend the shattered pieces

But was tortured and defeated

Debilitated from the effort

Weakened before the face of truth

And the realization

That the moment I flung the spear

Into the heart of friendship

The puncture would never fully seal

I sensed you crying

And discretely glanced over

But though your eyes were moist and saddened

They did not reveal injure

It is the way it is

The way to take disappointment and betrayal

And I, too, am reserved

But nevertheless broken

With the yearning of yesterday